We have had a great month over here in the Brown household.  We have had so much going on, and through it all our sweet Georgia has remained healthy and out of the hospital.  We moved to a new home the week after Thanksgiving, and that whole week we were getting ready to move, Georgia kept running fevers.   I couldnt think of anything worse than having to fit a hospital stay on top of everything else we had to do.  She recieved a lot of antibiotics, and our prayers in the middle of the night were answered and her fevers never became unmanageable.  Miss Georgia had her last chemo treatment of the year about a week ago.   This was her last chemo treatment before she starts her two years of "maintenance".   Maintenance will start next week on the 2nd with a lumbar puncture, methotrexate (chemo) shot up her spine and into her brain, and Vincristine which is another chemo through an IV.  I cannot keep track of how many times she has already had this procedure done.  After her lumbar puncture someone from the Children's Oncology Group will come and randomly select what her treatment course will look like for the next 2 years.  Georgia is on study, so a random selection of about 4 options will be chosen, and that will be her treatment.  They are all very similar.  One will be chemo once a month and steroids one week per month for 2 years, the other will be the same dose, just every 3 months instead of 1 month.  And then there will be 2 alternative treatments with different doseages but same intervals of time.  I am very nervous to hear my daughter's treatment fate.  Weather or not her body needs chemo and steroids once a month to fight her cancer, I will cry if that is the treatment she gets.  I will cry.  I may even be a total mess.  How can I do this for 2 more years?  Georgia does NOT do well on steroids.  How can I give them to her for a week every month?   It has taken her 2 months to loose the weight she put on after one week of steroids in October.  And she goes nutty on the steroids.  She screams for hours on end.  How can we do this 24 more times?  And I cant handle the thought of what it would do to her little body.   I have just been praying that Georgia will be randomized into the treatment plan that her body needs to keep the cancer from coming back.  That is all I can do.  All I can do is pray and trust in the Lord.  It will take tremendous faith for me to truly believe that the random treatment plan she gets assigned will be what the Lord knows is best for her.   But that is the only way I can think about the situation without making myself crazy with worry and remorse.  So far I just have not been thinking about it.  I have tried to put it out of my mind.  I hate crying.  I have been keeping myself busy packing and unpacking and getting the house ready for Christmas.

Christmas.  Christmas was wonderful.  It was our first Christmas in our own house.  Our first Christmas in our new house.  As soon as the furniture was in I was putting up Christmas decorations.  We had a beautiful Christmas day.  All of my side of the family came and we had a full house all day.  Which is just what I love on Christmas.  Georgia was so funny.  A few days before Christmas her aunt Whittlee asked her if Santa was going to come to her this year.  Georgia said "Yes."  Whittlee; "are you sure?  have you been good this year?" Georgia thought about ti for a bit and then said "Well if I havent, I know Grandma will get me lots of presents."  On Christmas she just kept gushing about all of her gifts. She kept thanking me and saying how she couldnt believe she actually got everything she wanted.  "I didnt think I had been good!"  She got a big doll house and My Little Pony dolls.  SHe is obsessed with those dolls.  And loves her doll house.  Cooper got a telescope and has it all figured out.  He has the perfect room for it with a window facing the east that has  great views of the Superstitions and Four Peaks because there is so much open space between us and the next house.  It is the perfect window for looking at stars.   Miss Tallulah has been as cute as ever.  She loves her new Elmo and "It's a Small World" singing Disney Dolls. (I love those too)
Our new home has been such a blessing.  A wonderful distraction for all of us.  We have lots to do here and plenty to repair and fix!

As I approach the new year, I do so with much hope and apprehension.   I hope our prayers are answered and our little girl is taken care of.  I hope she gets the treatment her body needs.  I hope I have the strength I will need to carry through this coming year, particularly if she ends up with the more aggressive treatment.  We also have hope that our home in Tulsa sells quickly (that is a source of much stress and anxiety!) and that our new baby girl comes into this world without a hitch.

I am also OVERWHELMED with gratitude as I reflect on the blessings our family has received this year.  They just keep coming our way.  And I hope they continue to do so!!!!

Georgia's doll house and My Little Pony dolls she asked Santa for

Our first Christmas morning with just our little family

setting up a hammock is hard work

I think everyone is just waiting for a turn in the hammock.  My dad never came out of there so there was a lot of waiting.

Baby David

Cooper and Sadie

Lyle is such a fun uncle.

Whittlee is due in 3 weeks!

we had fun taking dorky pictures

Stew and Whitt

Tallulah LOVES Stewart

 The Children's Cancer network spoiled these kids.  They got lots of fun stuff.  You can see by their faces they were pretty dang excited!

 Whittlee on the violin, Anna on the harp and Emily on the flute.  Beautiful Christmas music!

 Georgia shared her fingernail polish with Tallulah

I love this smile

Georgia got the My Little Pony she had been wanting and a comfy peace sign robe from the Children's Cancer Network.  She had to wear it on a walk to grandma's.  She looked like a hospital escapee!

Our Christmas card picture attempts...

Life has been busy and good to us the past few weeks.  Georgia finished "Delayed Intensification" which was a round of (intense) chemo that lasted for about 2 months.   It was rough, but all in all it could have been much worse! She had 2 blood transfusions, and one hospital stay that luckily was just a few days!  She was neutropenic (which means she didn't have an immune system) for about 3 weeks straight and she NEVER came down with a fever and we never had to go to the hospital during that time.   It was a HUGE blessing and amazing to us as the task of keeping her healthy and out of the hospital seemed impossible to us!  After Delayed Intensification kids generally have to wait 2 or 3 weeks before they can start the next round of chemo because their immune systems are too weak.  Georgia rebounded so quickly and was actually able to start the next round right on time.  That also was amazing to me.    She is in her final round of chemo, which will last about 2 months. After this will come 2 years of "maintenance" which will still consist of chemo treatments once a month, but is supposed to be less harsh.  The last 8 months have been awful, but they have been going by fast and I am so grateful that it is almost over.  I have been trying to be mindful of the fact that while I may want the next two years of treatment to whizz by fast too, this is Georgia's childhood.  I really don't want her childhood whizzing by or wasted, focused only on her illness and treatments and ailments.  These past 8 months Georgia has not looked the same.  She has changed so much physically.  Sometimes I want time to fast forward to when she will look healthy again.  But I will never have her childhood back, and neither will she.  I need to remember this.  And while she may not look like the typical 5 year old girl, a 5 year old girl she is, and will only be for a short time.  We have to make the best of it. 

She has started going back to school.  It took a lot of convicting.  She was very nervous about showing up with no hair.  She still does not like going to the cafeteria.  It is so overwhelming for her to think about being in an environment with all of those kids.  All of those kids who will look at her and might say something! But she has been so brave.  And comes home every day happy.   Tallulah sure had gotten used to her being home with her though, and now every day asks me "where Dada?" (Georgia).

Oh! So Georgia and Cooper have SUPER noses.  Or I should say SUPER sensitive noses. When Cooper was 2, he would not sit by people if they hadn't just brushed their teeth.  Or had any kind of smell he wasn't used to.  Georgia can smell yogurt being opened in the kitchen from the other side of the house.  Same with vinegar or any other food or smell she doesn't like.  Anyway, When they access her port, they have to flush it with saline solution twice.  It is a huge ordeal.  Georgia doesn't mind being poked or having blood drawn but the saline taste is just more than she can bare. She usually throws up and that is after much screaming, crying, and persuading by me and her doctors.  It's a scene. Her nurse told me yesterday that most the kids hate being accessed (that's what they call it) and throw tantrums but that at least Georgia had a legit reason. (I would think just being sick of having needles poked through your chest was a legit reason)  Georgia's saline issues were the worse she had ever seen.   Super noses I tell you. 

Aside from all of Georgia's ordeals, 2 other exciting things have happened recently.  We found out this week we will be having a baby girl end of March!  I think we are all excited to have a beautiful baby in our family.  All excited and a little bit nervous.  I love babies.  But they stress me out.  I am resolving to be normal and relaxed and not tired and full of energy when baby #4 comes.  This time will be different. 

Lastly, ( I think) we are currently in the process of closing on a house.  We found one just south of us.  One street south of us!  In a different neighborhood but still within walking distance from my parents!  Which is a miracle and a must!! I have become very needy!  I pretty much need my moms help every day! I try not to let that depress me.  I used to be independent.  Well I was forced to be independent.  I really have not had any help for the last 8 years.  In fact the nurses watched my children for me when I was giving birth to Tallulah.  That was after I had driven 3 hours to the hospital by myself with my kids on a highway that was on fire, while I was having contractions. 
But without my mother, I could not have survived the last 8 months.  There is just no way I could have done it.  Ok, obviously it would have gotten done, but I am not sure how. Things would be pretty dismal around here. 

Right before she became bald:)

 

Just my handsome brother Kaid. Looking handsome.

The kids got to go to a cousin's Halloween party at the DeGraffenreid's.  I told them to choose whatever costume out of the costume box.  Georgia was a butterfly, Cooper was Indiana Jones, and Tallulah just looks like a hobo.

 

 

 

Cousin Anna made a GORGEOUS quilt for Georgia!!!!

At the cousin's Halloween party!

And I just love baby Georgia's face in this pic!

I have figured out why it is so hard for me to write a post on the blog.  I used to keep a blog a few years back and really enjoyed recording the events that were taking place in our family.   Ive decided this is so much different than that situation because unlike writing about an "event", the task of recording an event that is 24 hours a day for the last 6 months, is much more daunting.  How easy and enjoyable it is to write about a trip to Disneyland, or a child's first words, or maybe even a week of the whole family puking their guts out.  It is over and done with and your brain can easily break down the event into comprehensible thoughts.  I feel as though my brain is mush.  There have been several times since last I wrote that I wanted to sit and write about what treatment we just finished, but then a new treatment begins shortly after with very rough days during and in between.  And then I get the courage to try to write and I cant even remember what happened 3 days ago.  Lets see if I can remember a few big events.

Georgia finished a round of chemo and steroids a few weeks ago.  I was SO happy to have that over with.  She gets "steroid psychosis".  Which means she becomes a psycho.  This round of steroids seemed less daunting because it was only a week on, a week off, and then another week on.  The problem was it was a very high dose.  Towards the end of the last week she would scream for hours on end.  I would have to leave the house and walk down the sidewalk  until I couldnt hear  her.  I was honestly afraid a neighbor would call the police.  She would scream over anything.  Mostly over me not having the right food in the house. And the screaming wouldnt end if I got the right food.  Steroids make people crave salty, processed foods.  CONSTANTLY!  Anyway, she was prescribed Zanax and it helped.  And then after a week the steroids left her system and Georgia was back! It was awesome.  Soon after she finished the steroids she had a 5 day hospital stay for a fever.  Her immunity was at a 0.  Normal immunity (or ANC ) is around 5,000, I think.   Her ANC ended up rising much faster than expected and she was able to start her next round of chemo.  It started with another lumbar puncture and methotrexate into her spine and brain, some other chemo drug in an IV for about 6 hours, and we were sent home with chemo in the form of shots to give her a few nights for 2 weeks and chemo in pill form to be given every night for 2 weeks.  The shots were traumatic.  Luckily Drew gives shots all day so I was able to pass that job onto him.  We are all so happy that is over with.  And now with this round of chemo coming to an end, Georgia's immune system is once again knocked out and we are sentenced to isolation at home!  Trying to keep her away from other people and places.  We are expecting to have to bring her to the hospital at some point within the next few weeks as any germ at all will give her a fever since she doesnt have an immune system to fight it.  As every round or phase of chemo ends we feel so relieved.  We can see the end coming and see the progress we are making with her treatments.  As far as I know we have about 2 months left of the icky stuff.  That is just a wonderful feeling.   We have also been so blessed to have so many wonderful, thoughtful, kind, giving people around us and far away that are constantly doing things to brighten our Georgia's day.  And when Georgia is happy the rest of us are happy! It truly means so much to me and my family.

Out of the hospital with her new "pet" Halloween rat.  Oh, and bat wings.

Back in the clinic for a full day of chemo.  Her sweet friend Chloe, and her baby sister Georgia came to keep her company!!! It was such a blessing! That long day whizzed by! That baby Georgia has had to be brave and go through so much, just like our Georgia.  Such special girls.

Georgia was invited to play with some friends. Kayla Addie and Kylee.  Those girls were so sweet to Georgia.  They made bracelets and sold them.  Then gave all the money to Georgia.  So cute.

Time for a blood transfusion

Ok, these pics are a bit random.  As I was looking for recent pics to post I came across a few old ones and had to include them.  Because I love them.

Cooper and baby Georgia.

We look forward to a healthy Georgia again! (November 2012)

Grandma and Grandpa Harrison came all the way from Utah for Cooper's baptism.  Cooper was very lucky to have all of his great grandparents and grandparents at his baptism in September.